So now what?

Well here it goes, a more personal blog post than I usually do.

Let's be honest, I don't blog often enough to make that statement but I am making it anyway.

I am having a bit of an identity crisis.  I am too young for this teenage angst and not yet old enough to be having a mid-life crisis, yet here I am, experiencing both.

Let me explain

Since leaving home right after high school graduation, I have always been on the move. I spent 4 years in college, then got married. My husband and I moved from one community to another over the first 4 years, but always within the same general area. In this time I had four different jobs, all within the same field, always experiencing a 'promotion' with each job.

Then we had our son and felt the need to live closer to family, so we made our first provincial move as a couple, from British Columbia to Manitoba. Over the next three years we moved twice in Manitoba. I got my first pastoral job, and boy was it a job. It was amazing and frustrating and scary and exhilarating all at the same time. Looking back I was awfully inexperienced to be running such a large department and at times it showed. It was a breathtakingly painful experience to work in that church. The pressure, leadership, friendship and grace were intense at times but in the end it was not a fantastic fit for me or my family, and we found ourselves moving provinces again.

This time we landed in Saskatchewan, where I worked at one church and my husband took a job at another one. We both loved what we were doing and where we were. We were developing friendships and a community until the unexpected happened. My husband was offered an amazing opportunity in Montreal, and we just had to let him take it. This left my son and I alone in SK keeping on with life in the most normal way we could. This continued for two years, until his employer offered him a permanent position and we decided to move to Montreal, ending our 4 years in SK.

Fast forward to today. We have now been in Montreal for just over three years and if you have been paying attention, 3-4 years is the longest we tend to stay in any one place. We have had the same house, church, and school for 3 years. I have already started and finished a master's degree and am starting a PhD this week.

So here is where the identity crisis starts. I don't know how to live in place past 4 years. How does one stay in a place that long? How do I take those friendships and turn them into deeper friendships? How do I challenge myself in an employment that is starting to feel like the 'same old thing'? I think that starting my PhD will help keep me challenged and excited and in many ways it will, but in some ways it won't. More schooling does not have the same excitement as starting again. There is a thrill in applying for jobs, selling homes and moving. But I know that there is a sadness and stress in them too.

I don't know how to survive in a place once the excitement has worn off. And worse than that, I don't know how to survive in a place when my polish has worn off and the others around me can see my short comings.

This lack of long term experience in a place is freaking me right out. I just want to quit everything that I am doing and pack up and move. The question is where would we go? And for what reason? Could I do that to my pre-teen son? Could I move him again when he is just really starting to make great friendships here.

I can't. I know I can't.

I guess that means I need to learn how to put down roots in a place. I need to learn how to not fear failure, knowing that I can't run away from it. Not this time. Not right now at least.

Not right now.

8 ways I am "nickle and diming" my way to fewer expenses (part one)

Okay as some of you know, I am a student right now and I am not working much (a few sub shifts here and there) so as you can imagine money gets tight now and again.  So my husband and I decided, even before I started school, we were going to do our best to live on less.  It is almost a bit of a social experiment for us, and I have to say it has been working.  There are a few minor ways that I have cut back that are saving us some actual money. Now when I say 'actual  money' I don't mean thousands, I actually mean nickles and dimes but over the last year I have noticed a return for my efforts which is more than I can say for most of my money saving efforts over the years.

Part one of these money saving efforts revolve around food and food choices, as I find that is a very tangible place to save a few bucks if you are willing to put the effort in.

1. I don't buy pre-packaged yogurt any more.  Seems simple, but I buy tubs of yogurt and send my son with a reusable container filled with 4 oz of yogurt everyday in his lunch. I hated doing this at first.  It is so easy to buy the individual servings and I hate creating more dishes to wash, but I end up saving a buck or two each grocery bill and the landfill from a few less containers (or recycling bin). I have to say, I thought my son would loss each and everyone of those reusable containers but he has not lost one...yet.

2. I keep a well stocked pantry.  This was the hardest for me as it seemed so counter-intuitive.  When items go on sale, and I am referring to a really good sale, not just a few cents off, I purchase as many of them as I can store (spending more at once than I like to), creating a well stocked pantry.  But that limits how many times I will have to buy that item when it is not on sale.  Saving me money.  This isn't always easy, as I have limited space to store things, but I try.  I do love looking at all of the flyers, so I often will shop at more than one store to get all the sale items, but if I do it well, it doesn't cost much extra in gas (as most of our shops are within 2km).  I have also discovered that items go on a 'good' sale about once every six weeks, so I try to pick up what I would use in six weeks.  My sister always makes fun of me for my 'back up' items in my pantry but I know why I do it and I am super glad that I do!

3. I cook for left overs...and we have started using them.  We used to be so bad at using leftovers, they would go yucky in my fridge, while I'd be cooking new meals each day and eating out for lunches.  Well as you can imagine that is a HUGE waste of food and money.  So now I cook with the intention of having left overs for both lunches and suppers.  My classes are night classes, so the boys fend for themselves for three suppers a week, which is made much easier when they know that there is 'scoop and nuke' in the fridge (our nickname for left overs).  We rarely eat out anymore and that even includes popping out for coffee, which leads me to number 4

4. We bought a burr grinder for our coffee habit.  We drink a lot of coffee, a lot of whole bean, organic, fairly traded coffee, which can get pricey. (this is one of those items in #2 that I buy lots of when it hits a really good sale).  We used to go through about a pound a week when we used a blade grinder but we thought that we should up the quality of the grind and try a burr grinder and not only are we getting a bit of a better taste, we are using way less coffee! Now we are going through approximately 1/2 to 3/4 pound a week this adds up big time.  Another we have started saving with our coffee is we now order it in 2 pound bags through our church.  The company is Just Us! Coffee and they have a wonderful selection of coffees, teas, chocolates and sugar to be purchased.  Great product for a great cause.  Please check out there WEBSITE

Okay, so that is part one how I am currently saving money, as little as it is.  I will post part two with 4 more ways  (non-food related ways) that we have trimmed the expenses.  If you have ways that you have found helpful in saving a few bucks, please share them with me! With the current economy every penny...oh yeah no more pennies, every nickle counts!