Confessions of a nervous Nelly

Okay, I'll admit it, I am a nervous Nelly.  I get nervous doing silly little things, like finishing a blog post (what if no one reads it ? ... or worse, what if someone reads it and hates it?). I get nervous answering the phone (what if it is someone calling with really bad news?) and getting the mail (what if there is an unexpected bill in there?) I even get nervous taking a new route on the bus for the first time  (because we all know that I could end up going in the wrong direction).

I tend to be okay with the bigger events in life, things that I am able to control, like applying for jobs, interviewing and going back to school.  These are activities that I have some level of control over, things that I can put into my calendar and prep for. These activities still make me nervous  but in a different sort of way. I find them way easier to deal with then unknown that comes with the little things. And there are times that I let the little things paralyze me.  My mail sits in the box a few extra days, the phone goes straight to voice mail on numbers that I don't know and my blog posts sit un-posted.

But not any more.  I will not have the extra time or emotional energy to feed into this nervousness when school starts in a week.  More than that I do not believe that people are created to live in fear and anxiety, yet we are all suffer with it in different ways over different things.  It is not a new problem, brought on by increasing technology, societal pressures or recession, this is a problem that has been around for centuries and will continue to be around for centuries to come.  So what can be done?  Well for starters I am following the writings of the Apostle Paul as he wrote in Philippians 4:4-8:

   4  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

There are so many good reminders in these verses to help combat those nagging fears! For me these verses boil down to shifting my focus from myself and my fears, to Christ and all of the great things he has done and will continue to do.  Now that is so easy to say, but so hard to do when the bank account is dwindling, the phone is ringing and the mailbox is full.  So I am starting small, I am working on seeing the little things each day, the things that I can offer thanksgiving for as I offer my requests to God.  Little things that make me smile, that touch my heart, that make me laugh, that cause me to rejoice.  Some days it is as simple as a hot cup of good coffee in the morning and other days it is my wonderful family that cause me to rejoice.  I will try not beat myself up too much on the days that I fail to see all of the amazing gifts around me, I will just repent, repeat the verses to myself and start over, rejoicing in the little things.

I know I will still have times when the mail sits in the box, the phone will go straight to voicemail and I will start more blog posts than I will ever finish, but God has grace for that.   He has enough grace to cover my fear, to reassure me with the peace that transcends all understanding and to give me strength each day to look for the little things which lead me to rejoice in him.

Netflix is my new best friend

My husband asked me a while back why I watch reruns on Netflix when I have a book half started.  He just couldn't understand what the appeal would be for me.  After my original reaction of telling him not to be so judgy, I had to think about it for a while.  There are several possible  reasons why I would choose to watch an episode of a TV show verses read a book, it seems like at times it is because I am not 'grown up' enough to enjoy 'airport dad novels'.  This might be true.  I love to read, but often after a long day I tend to lean towards watching a show verses reading a book. Maybe that makes me less intellegient or grown than some, and I am ok with that.
My thought on why I tend to watch a show on Netflix verse read is this: I don't like being alone.  Let me explain.  I am alone for the better part of my day, most of that is spent in realative silence.  Sure there is the patter of the dogs paws on the ground or the sound of the a car driving by, but there isn't much in way of 'voice' throughout the day.  I need that voice.  I need to hear people, even if it is little actors coming through the speaker on my ipad.  I need to feel like I have had some contact with people throughout the day.  And there are times when picking up a novel will give me that connection with the characters, but in my world of silence right now I need more than that.  I need to hear the voice.  So until I am able to build up my connections to the real world, until I can  fill my need for 'voice' with friends, classmates or co-workers, Netflix will fill that need.

That being said, I am working on a blog post about why I have since given up Netflix for Lent.  Until next time