a week later

Well it has been a week since the worst day ever and I will still say it was a pretty horrible day.  Things have improved this week as apart from work and everyday life stuff I have pretty much just numbed my brain and sadness of my husband heading back to Montreal with hours of Dr Who (I know, nerd alert) and hours of cooperative video gaming with my husband.  We have been playing a game called Terraria which has proven to be rather fun.  I know that I really need to be trying to focus on 'being a grown up' but then I realize that I am working a full time job, caring well for my son, maintaining a household and supporting a long distance husband.  I am very grown up.  So maybe I'll cut myself some slack and play a little more.

Worst day ever?

It feels like this might be the worst day ever. Ok, not The worst EVER, but the worst I've had in a while. 

First off, I live in a freezer, well Saskatchewan Canada and the temperature today did not rise about -42 with the wind chill factor. That alone makes it a bad day. 

Secondly, my husband works and lives 3 provinces away in Montreal Quebec and he left here today after a blissful two week visit. The day he leaves is always rough on all of us. 

Thirdly, I got my first traffic ticket ever. I have been driving for almost 20 years and today I got a ticket for doing a u-turn in a light controlled intersection. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that, but apparently I'm not. So there is $230 dollars I need to pay and some points off my good driving record. 

Fourthly (yup it is not done yet) I seem to have lost an earring that I got from a friend when she was traveling in Spain. Boo 

But even after all of this I still need to think about all of the great things I have in my life. 

A warm house in this cold temperature. 

A husband who has found the job of his dreams. 

A great job that allows me to pay for a mistake like a traffic violation. 

And friends who think of me when they travel the world. 

Worst day ever, maybe. Filled with blessings, definitely. 

The past

Going home to my folks house for Christmas is always a great time. There is a ton of food, drink, friends and family. I used to enjoy connecting with old high school buddies and catching up. Spending late nights drinking coffee with school chums reminiscing about old days but over the last few years I have done less and less of that. I have almost avoided that social ciricut altogether. This year I didn't see anyone but family. And I enjoyed it, didn't think anything about it. Until I saw another two friends' Facebook posts about their visits with each other and others. And I instantly felt like a jerkface. One of them even spent an afternoon with MY grandfather. 

Wow. 

So here I am, back in Saskatoon not able to visit any of them right now feeling like the worst friend in the world and making pathetic attempts at connection by FB posts and messages. 

What I should be doing is trying to figure out why I am indifferent to seeing these old friends at this point in my life. Why don't I care? Do I think I'm better then them? No, that's not it, I truly love these people still. Do I think they are better than me? No, I think they still love me too. 

I think that I need to think more about this. But my guess is that my life over the last 1 1/2 years has been so draining on the emotional energy that I just don't have any to spare. It feels like I can barely keep up with the friends I have locally. That is a horrible excuse, but it is all I have for right now. 

I will think more about it. 

And let you know what I'll do about it. 

If anything.