The past

Going home to my folks house for Christmas is always a great time. There is a ton of food, drink, friends and family. I used to enjoy connecting with old high school buddies and catching up. Spending late nights drinking coffee with school chums reminiscing about old days but over the last few years I have done less and less of that. I have almost avoided that social ciricut altogether. This year I didn't see anyone but family. And I enjoyed it, didn't think anything about it. Until I saw another two friends' Facebook posts about their visits with each other and others. And I instantly felt like a jerkface. One of them even spent an afternoon with MY grandfather. 

Wow. 

So here I am, back in Saskatoon not able to visit any of them right now feeling like the worst friend in the world and making pathetic attempts at connection by FB posts and messages. 

What I should be doing is trying to figure out why I am indifferent to seeing these old friends at this point in my life. Why don't I care? Do I think I'm better then them? No, that's not it, I truly love these people still. Do I think they are better than me? No, I think they still love me too. 

I think that I need to think more about this. But my guess is that my life over the last 1 1/2 years has been so draining on the emotional energy that I just don't have any to spare. It feels like I can barely keep up with the friends I have locally. That is a horrible excuse, but it is all I have for right now. 

I will think more about it. 

And let you know what I'll do about it. 

If anything.